Life Lessons Are Hard When You're Five

Childhood is one big learning process.  And so is parenthood.  As a child grows, he/she encounters certain situations that "teach" them about the way of life.  Some positive.  And unfortunately, some negative.  For the parent, this also becomes a learning experience.  How do I handle these situations?  How do I effectively guide my child down the right path (if there is one)?

Well, last night we encountered our first such "situation".  I was in the middle of making dinner.  Actually, rushing to make dinner because it was getting late. Lil T was in the kitchen with me and we were talking about what he did that day in school.  Like I've said before, Lil T loves school.  He's always very happy when he mentions school.  And last night was no different.  He talked about lunch, about going to the library, how funny Mrs. F was.  It was all smiles, until he started talking about recess and playing football.  Apparently, football is the new game that the boys play.  As he started telling me about the game, his voice starts to quiver.  I shift my attention from my half-sauteed brussel sprouts to look at him, and he's getting teary eyed.  The more he talks about it, the more tears he's got.  In a flash of about 45 seconds, the boy has gone from teary eyed to full out Niagara Falls.  Mind you, I'm still trying to talk to him and keep an eye on my brussels.

It started off with how the other boys run with the football (close to their body, like real football players do) and he couldn't get the football.  Then it was how he tried to "tackle" them to grab the football.  Aiyah, tackle?  My little 40 inch pint-size trying to tackle?!? Then it was no one ever throws the ball to him.  "Well sweetie, that's how the game is played.  They don't give the ball to you.  You have to try to get it."  Big mistake. "But they give the ball to everyone else.  Everyone except me!"  More tears.  Then it expanded to "it's because I'm so small."  Great, body image comes into play. Now that I think about it, he's kinda mentioned it before.  But before, it was basketball and how the other kids weren't passing the ball to him.  But he never got upset like this.

So in the midst of all this, my brussel sprouts are starting to get crisp.  Meanwhile, Papa in Suburbia is in the other room fooling around with the piano.  He apparently sees us.  I'm sure he can hear us.  No help from him.  So before my brussel sprouts start to burn, I ask him to talk to his son because he's apparently very upset about this game of football.  Big mistake.  Big friggin' mistake.  Instead of listening to him and empathising and trying to explain the situation, Papa in Suburbia starts to (what seemed to me) taunt him.  Apparently, Lil T must have felt the same way because he got even more upset.  "Well, what are you going to do about it?"  "Are you going to keep crying because they won't give you the ball?"  "What do you want me to do about it?"  REALLY???  WTF?  No freakin way did he just say all that.  Yeah, he did.  Note to self:  if you ever feel like jumping off a bridge, don't ever ask him for advice.

Okay, time for Mom to step in again.  Burnt brussel sprouts or not.  So I tried to explain the situation to him.  How that's the object of the game.  It's not because you're small.  Did you try asking the other boys to pass the ball to you?  Maybe it's because they don't know you want the ball.  If it upsets you, maybe play with some other kids.  "But all the boys play football.  I don't want to be the only one playing with the girls."  Okay. Back and forth it went.  In the end, I just said he should talk to the teacher about it if it's really upsetting him.  Sorry, teachers. Maybe she can arrange it so that the little kids have their own game and the bigger kids have another game.  This seemed to calm him down a bit.

I don't know about you, but stuff like this just breaks my heart.  To see him so happy about something and at the same time get so upset over such minute things.  Well, to me it seems small.  But to him, it's probably the world.  I mean, c'mon, it's recess.  There's no bigger thing than recess when you're a five year old.  And Lil T is so passive.  No comparison to the other kids, who are the aggressive go-getters.  And size?  Yes, he is on the small side.  The other kids weren't being mean.  It's the nature of life.  Unfortunately, Lil T will be facing alot of these situations.  As a parent, I wish I could be there everytime to help ease the pain.  But I can't.  I just have to comfort, empathize and explain the situation.  And hopefully help him along the journey.  As for Papa in Suburbia, well, I think there's a big learning curve awaiting him too.  As a parent, you have to learn to be sensitive in such situations.  You have to talk in a way that kids will understand.  You can't talk to a child like you would an adult.  But it's not his fault, he's never been around kids.  No sibliings, therefore no nieces or nephews.

Dinner did eventually make it to the table.  Brussel sprouts were tasty.  And by the time the dinner conversation started, Lil T was back to his old self again.  All smiles.  No cares or worries.  Thank goodness.

Yup, it's going to be a big learning experience for all of us.  There may be some tears along the way, some harsh words thrown here and there, but we will get through it together.

The Great Lunch Debacle

Three weeks into school and things are going GREAT!  Lil T loves school!  Let's hope this lasts until college.  Ummm, doubt it.  But let's enjoy it while it lasts.

All is well, except when it comes to lunch.  Every morning I pack him a lunch.  And every afternoon, the lunch is returned...barely eaten.   And the boy is famished when he comes home.  Duh, of course he is...HE DOESN'T EAT HIS LUNCH!  It's not like I pack some health-crazed, exotic, unidentifiable food.  It's ham and cheese.  Or pasta with butter and parmesan cheese.

Every morning I ask what he would like for lunch.

"Ham and cheese."  So I pack ham and cheese.  And what's in his lunchbag when he comes home?  Ham and cheese.

" I want pasta with cheese."  So there I am, 7am in the morning making pasta with cheese.  Packed in a thermos so it'll be warm when it's time for lunch.  And guess what's in his lunchbag when he comes home?  Cold, dried up pasta and cheese.

I've searched websites and cookbooks for cool lunch ideas.  Even made those little cut up ham and cheese on a stick thingys to make it more "fun".  Didn't work.  He'll eat the fruits that I pack.  He'll eat the snack bag of popcorn or cookies.  But no lunch.

I've been warned by other moms to expect this.  With the newfound independence and lunch time being only 25 minutes, I was told to expect that his lunch would be returned.  And so it's true.

I guess I just have to get over it.  He'll eat if he's hungry, right?  Ugh.

So what are some things that you pack your kids for lunch?  Would love to hear some ideas.

 

It's a lonely road

I am going through addiction withdrawal.  The "my only child is now in all-day kindergarten and I miss him so much" addiction withdrawal.  It is Day 3 of kindergarten.  Lil T LOVES it!  He loves the bus ride.  He loves the teachers.  He loves playing with his friends.  Me?  Ugh.  I miss him.  The day seems so long.  The day seems so quiet.  I have time to do anything I want.  So what the heck is wrong with me?!?!?  I miss him.

I adjusted to life in the suburbs pretty easily when I first moved from New York to Connecticut, about 7 years ago.  Even with no friends and no family around, it was okay.  I never really noticed a void.  I had a job.  Then I became a mom.  There was always someone, something to keep me busy.  Now.  There's a void.  After spending a weekend in NY with family and coming back this week to Lil T going to school all day, every day...I'm noticing a void.  Sure, I keep myself busy for most of the day, running errands, catching up on housework, enjoying a quiet cup of coffee, or sometimes doing nothing.  But that's when I realize...it gets a bit lonely.  I was at Tar-jay the other day doing some retail therapy when I noticed all around me were moms shopping with their toddlers or preschoolers in toll.  And I thought...that was me.  Oh how I miss that.  I know, you think I'm crazy.  I thought I was crazy too.  All the times I've had to shop with Lil T I've thought, it would be so nice to just shop by myself.  And it is.  For the majority of the time.  But that day, I missed my little man and the quirky conversations we always have and get this, when I heard another mom scream at her toddler, "stay in the cart and stop touching everything"...it brought back memories.  I'm an idiot, I know.

I'm sure this feeling won't last forever.  Like I said, it's addiction withdrawal.  A five year addiction of having Lil T with me every single day.  It would've been nice to have another child to take care of.  That, of course, was my plan.  But unfortunately, things don't always work out as you plan.  I guess having another child was never written in the stars for me.   But that's another story.  A story that hopefully one day, I will have the strength to tell.

But for now, I will rely on my bonbons to get me through the day.  Eventually I will have to get myself back into the workforce.  I'm sure by next week, I'll be back in the full swing of things.  But until then...I will enjoy my free time.  Because one day in the near future, I will regret ever having complained about having too much time on my hands.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to get ready to get my Beanie off the bus.  Fun time has begun!

 

Back to school jitters...for the mom.

When and how did the summer fly by?!?!?  Wasn't it just yesterday we were wishing everyone at school a happy summer?  Well, I guess it was, according to my blog, because that's how long it's been since I've posted.  And here it is...the first day of school.

The first day of school.  The first day of kindergarten for Lil T.  His first trip on a school bus.  All by himself.

How did it go?  Fine for him.  Not so fine for me.  Lil T was very excited.  He woke up bright and early.  I asked him why he was up so early.  "First day of school, mom!"  At least he's more enthusiastic than I was.  Me?  I barely slept a wink.  All I kept thinking was...  Will he be okay?  Will he know where to go after he gets off the bus?  Will he make friends?  Is he going to be scared?  What if it rains?  Do I put rainboots on him?  Will he know which bus to get on when school lets out?  Will....

Yea, that was how I spent my night.  And the answer to all those questions?  I have no clue!  I just prayed that it will all work out.

So all morning, Lil T asked, "Is the bus coming yet?  I don't want to miss my bus."  Geez kid, curb your enthusiasm.  My heart is beating a mile a minute. And then it was finally time to go wait for the bus.  The bus was a bit late.  But it finally came.  And I can feel his enthusiasm waiver a bit and a little bit of anxiety build up.  He grabbed my hand and we headed towards the bus.  All I kept thinking was, "whatever you do, DON'T CRY!"  Me, not him.  Bawl all you want when he drives away, but *sniff* not *sniff* now. Then he said, "can I please have a hug?"  And the flood gates opened.  Great job, mom. I watched my little man go up those massive bus stairs, all the while trying to wipe the tears before they fall.  The bus driver, bless her heart, says, "you can come up, Mom, and help him get seated."  So I walked up with him, apologizing to her for my tears and still trying to wipe them away.  "It's okay, happens all the time", she says encouragingly.  Thanks Ms. J.  Thanks for your words of comfort and not making me feel like the idiotic, crybaby mom that I am. Too late, I think the bus full of kids just witnessed what an idiotic, crybaby mom I am.  Great! I wiped my final tear as I walked off the bus, turned to blow my baby a kiss, and waved as the bus drove away.  Then I proceeded to bawl all the way home.

And what did I do when I got home?  What any sane mom that just saw her only baby get driven away on the bus would do, of course.  I jumped in my car and high tailed it to the school.  I would've followed the bus, but I didn't want to be TOO obvious.  I figure I'll just head to the school and hide in the sidelines and make sure he gets off the bus and into the school okay.  Well, wouldn't you know that alot of the other moms were there also.  Everyone had their camera and video cameras, trying to capture the precious moment of their child getting off the bus.  Crap, I forgot my camera. At least that made me feel a little better, I wasn't the only mom there.  Now at least I didn't have to hide.  Lil T's bus finally pulls up and off the bus he came.  Safe and sound.  Not a bit scared.  There was an aide right there to help the kids off the bus and escort them into the school.  Phew! Lil T saw me and was all smiles.  My little man did it!  He rode the bus all by himself.  "Have a great day!", I screamed as he walked by.  And yes you guessed it...flood gates opened again!  Darn it!

Tears of joy

Ok, I admit it.  I like to cry.  In fact, there's times I find myself bawling.  When I'm sad.  When I'm happy.  I guess I'm a very sensitive person (at least that's my reasoning for it).

Today was Lil T"s preschool end of year graduation celebration.  End of year?  Graduation?   Seriously?  I can't be THAT old.   HE can't be THAT old.  And guess what?  I got a bit teary eyed.

All right, I practically bawled my eyes out.  Quite embarrassing, I must say.  I can't believe just 2 years ago, he started preschool.  My brave, little man...a little hesitant, no tears (at least none for him), and a bit shy.  And now 2 years later, he's made lots of friends, learned lots of things, and continues to have an overjoyed outlook for what lies ahead.  He's definitely ready for kindergarten.  Me?  That's another story. 

It's bittersweet for me.  It's been amazing these past 5 years watching him grow into who he is today.  It's also very sad.  I mean, this is it.  I won't get another chance like this.  I won't have another child to experience this with again.  What's even scarier is that the next ten or so years might go by just as fast.  I have to remind myself every day to enjoy every second of it because I will never get this time back.  Lil T will probably be my one and only child.  It saddens me every time I think about it.  So I have to treasure times like these and enjoy every second of it.

And this is only preschool. YIKES!

So although there was a bit of sadness in the tears I shed today,  they were mostly of pride and joy.  I'm proud of my little man.  And I'm happy that I've done "all right" in my role as mommie raising a wonderful child.