Back to school jitters...for the mom.

When and how did the summer fly by?!?!?  Wasn't it just yesterday we were wishing everyone at school a happy summer?  Well, I guess it was, according to my blog, because that's how long it's been since I've posted.  And here it is...the first day of school.

The first day of school.  The first day of kindergarten for Lil T.  His first trip on a school bus.  All by himself.

How did it go?  Fine for him.  Not so fine for me.  Lil T was very excited.  He woke up bright and early.  I asked him why he was up so early.  "First day of school, mom!"  At least he's more enthusiastic than I was.  Me?  I barely slept a wink.  All I kept thinking was...  Will he be okay?  Will he know where to go after he gets off the bus?  Will he make friends?  Is he going to be scared?  What if it rains?  Do I put rainboots on him?  Will he know which bus to get on when school lets out?  Will....

Yea, that was how I spent my night.  And the answer to all those questions?  I have no clue!  I just prayed that it will all work out.

So all morning, Lil T asked, "Is the bus coming yet?  I don't want to miss my bus."  Geez kid, curb your enthusiasm.  My heart is beating a mile a minute. And then it was finally time to go wait for the bus.  The bus was a bit late.  But it finally came.  And I can feel his enthusiasm waiver a bit and a little bit of anxiety build up.  He grabbed my hand and we headed towards the bus.  All I kept thinking was, "whatever you do, DON'T CRY!"  Me, not him.  Bawl all you want when he drives away, but *sniff* not *sniff* now. Then he said, "can I please have a hug?"  And the flood gates opened.  Great job, mom. I watched my little man go up those massive bus stairs, all the while trying to wipe the tears before they fall.  The bus driver, bless her heart, says, "you can come up, Mom, and help him get seated."  So I walked up with him, apologizing to her for my tears and still trying to wipe them away.  "It's okay, happens all the time", she says encouragingly.  Thanks Ms. J.  Thanks for your words of comfort and not making me feel like the idiotic, crybaby mom that I am. Too late, I think the bus full of kids just witnessed what an idiotic, crybaby mom I am.  Great! I wiped my final tear as I walked off the bus, turned to blow my baby a kiss, and waved as the bus drove away.  Then I proceeded to bawl all the way home.

And what did I do when I got home?  What any sane mom that just saw her only baby get driven away on the bus would do, of course.  I jumped in my car and high tailed it to the school.  I would've followed the bus, but I didn't want to be TOO obvious.  I figure I'll just head to the school and hide in the sidelines and make sure he gets off the bus and into the school okay.  Well, wouldn't you know that alot of the other moms were there also.  Everyone had their camera and video cameras, trying to capture the precious moment of their child getting off the bus.  Crap, I forgot my camera. At least that made me feel a little better, I wasn't the only mom there.  Now at least I didn't have to hide.  Lil T's bus finally pulls up and off the bus he came.  Safe and sound.  Not a bit scared.  There was an aide right there to help the kids off the bus and escort them into the school.  Phew! Lil T saw me and was all smiles.  My little man did it!  He rode the bus all by himself.  "Have a great day!", I screamed as he walked by.  And yes you guessed it...flood gates opened again!  Darn it!

Tears of joy

Ok, I admit it.  I like to cry.  In fact, there's times I find myself bawling.  When I'm sad.  When I'm happy.  I guess I'm a very sensitive person (at least that's my reasoning for it).

Today was Lil T"s preschool end of year graduation celebration.  End of year?  Graduation?   Seriously?  I can't be THAT old.   HE can't be THAT old.  And guess what?  I got a bit teary eyed.

All right, I practically bawled my eyes out.  Quite embarrassing, I must say.  I can't believe just 2 years ago, he started preschool.  My brave, little man...a little hesitant, no tears (at least none for him), and a bit shy.  And now 2 years later, he's made lots of friends, learned lots of things, and continues to have an overjoyed outlook for what lies ahead.  He's definitely ready for kindergarten.  Me?  That's another story. 

It's bittersweet for me.  It's been amazing these past 5 years watching him grow into who he is today.  It's also very sad.  I mean, this is it.  I won't get another chance like this.  I won't have another child to experience this with again.  What's even scarier is that the next ten or so years might go by just as fast.  I have to remind myself every day to enjoy every second of it because I will never get this time back.  Lil T will probably be my one and only child.  It saddens me every time I think about it.  So I have to treasure times like these and enjoy every second of it.

And this is only preschool. YIKES!

So although there was a bit of sadness in the tears I shed today,  they were mostly of pride and joy.  I'm proud of my little man.  And I'm happy that I've done "all right" in my role as mommie raising a wonderful child.

Dear Beanie...

Dear Beanie,

Happy Birthday to my sweet little boy!  Well, you're not so little anymore.  You're 5 today.  I can't believe it's been 5 years since I brought you home from the hospital.  I still remember how tiny you were.  That's why I called you "Beanie".  Tiny and skinny, just like a string bean. 

But look how you've grown.  Physically, mentally, emotionally.  Five years ago, I wouldn't have guessed my colicky, non-stop crying, always-needed-to-be-held baby would turn into the independent, funny, intelligent, compassionate little man that you are. 

You're the best son a mommie could ever have.  As much as I've tried to teach you and nurture you these past 5 years, I think you've done an equally, if not better, job in teaching me.  You've taught me what innocence is,  what it's like to see the world in your eyes.  You've taught me to how to stop and just smell the flowers...literally.  You've taught me the names of every skateboarding trick there is out there and no matter how many times I get it wrong, you say, "it's ok, Mommie."  But most of all, you've taught me to love someone unconditionally.  I love hearing you call me "mommie"  or "mama" or yes, even "mom".  I couldn't ask for anything more.

I find myself staring at you sometimes.  Just because.  Because of your smile.  Because of the goofy dance you're doing.  Because of your silly rendition of the latest pop song.  Because of the things you say to me.  Just because.  And I smile.  I guess I'm hoping if I stare long enough, I can freeze this moment in time.  Because I never want those moments to end.  Don't grow up too fast, Beanie.  I know you're ready...but I'm not. 

I am so grateful and blessed for the wonderful gift you are giving me every day!  You make my smile, you make me cry, you make me sing, you make me dance.  You are, and forever will be...my angel, my Beanie, the love of my life!

Happy Birthday, sweetie!!!  I love you lots!

Love,

Mama

 

Keep runnin' and runnin'

I've been bitten by the Fitness bug and it feels G-R-R-R-R-REAT!!!  This past weekend, I participated in my very first 5K run. 

Have I ran before, you ask?  Nope. 

Have I been training to run?  Nah-uh.  Only for 2 weeks prior.

Was I crazy to even attempt this?  Probably. 

But I did.  And I finished.   And I wasn't even last.  Wooohooooo!

Oh no he didn't...

I don't like smart-mouth children.  Dislike it even more when it's MY smart-mouth child.  And lately, this seems to be the case. 

How in the world can a four year old be so sarcastic and mouthy?  I mean, where does he get this from? 

*Slight pause* 

Okay, nevermind.  I know where he gets it from. *eye roll* 

But I didn't think I'd have to deal with it until he was a teenager.  So the specialty of the week with Lil T (aka Smartmouth T) is his, "Why do you keep asking me if you don't listen to what I say" shpiel.  Let me give you an example.

Me:  "T, do you want your gloves?  It's really cold.

Lil T:  "No thank you."

Me:  "Well, I think you should put them on because your hands will be freezing."

Lil T:  "Why do you ask me if I tell you no and you tell me to do what you want anyway.  I already said no" with a sigh and a HUGE eye roll.

Me:  "Just put them on please." 

Some more sighing and more eye rolling.

or

Me:  "Do you want to eat one more nugget?"

Lil T:  "No, I ate 2 already."

Me:  "You'll be hungry later.  Eat one more and you're done."

Lil T:  "Mommie, you did it again.  How come you ask me but don't listen..."  blah, blah, blah.

Okay, first off...he's right.  Why the heck did I do that? 

He is definitely right.  I guess I just don't like Mr. Smartmouth pointing it out to me.  So back to his question, why DO I do that?  Ummm.  I HAVE NO CLUE!  Blame it on some internal motherhood schizophrenia.  You know, on one hand you want to be fair and give them the opportunity to think on their own and make their own decisions so you ask them.  But on the other hand, you still want to be in charge and you're hoping they would answer the way you want them to answer.  And when they don't, you tell them what you want to hear.  Yea I know, PSYCHO!  But it's true.  As much as I want him to make his own decision and to think for himself in certain situations, there's that part of me that doesn't want to fully relinquish control (the controlling, anal, OCD me).  And he's caught on to it.  Dammit.

So I answer as only a mother can answer in these situations.

"Because I'm your mother.  And I said so."

Just kidding, I didn't.  I sure as heck did want to, but I didn't.  Instead, I apologized.  Yes, I did the motherly thing.  I admitted that I was wrong and he was right.  And I would try my best not to do that again. 

At least, until the next time...I do it again. 

What?

He always tells me he'll pick up his toys when he's done playing.  And when does THAT really happen???