I am going through addiction withdrawal. The "my only child is now in all-day kindergarten and I miss him so much" addiction withdrawal. It is Day 3 of kindergarten. Lil T LOVES it! He loves the bus ride. He loves the teachers. He loves playing with his friends. Me? Ugh. I miss him. The day seems so long. The day seems so quiet. I have time to do anything I want. So what the heck is wrong with me?!?!? I miss him.
I adjusted to life in the suburbs pretty easily when I first moved from New York to Connecticut, about 7 years ago. Even with no friends and no family around, it was okay. I never really noticed a void. I had a job. Then I became a mom. There was always someone, something to keep me busy. Now. There's a void. After spending a weekend in NY with family and coming back this week to Lil T going to school all day, every day...I'm noticing a void. Sure, I keep myself busy for most of the day, running errands, catching up on housework, enjoying a quiet cup of coffee, or sometimes doing nothing. But that's when I realize...it gets a bit lonely. I was at Tar-jay the other day doing some retail therapy when I noticed all around me were moms shopping with their toddlers or preschoolers in toll. And I thought...that was me. Oh how I miss that. I know, you think I'm crazy. I thought I was crazy too. All the times I've had to shop with Lil T I've thought, it would be so nice to just shop by myself. And it is. For the majority of the time. But that day, I missed my little man and the quirky conversations we always have and get this, when I heard another mom scream at her toddler, "stay in the cart and stop touching everything"...it brought back memories. I'm an idiot, I know.
I'm sure this feeling won't last forever. Like I said, it's addiction withdrawal. A five year addiction of having Lil T with me every single day. It would've been nice to have another child to take care of. That, of course, was my plan. But unfortunately, things don't always work out as you plan. I guess having another child was never written in the stars for me. But that's another story. A story that hopefully one day, I will have the strength to tell.
But for now, I will rely on my bonbons to get me through the day. Eventually I will have to get myself back into the workforce. I'm sure by next week, I'll be back in the full swing of things. But until then...I will enjoy my free time. Because one day in the near future, I will regret ever having complained about having too much time on my hands.
Now if you will excuse me, I have to get ready to get my Beanie off the bus. Fun time has begun!
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Back to school jitters...for the mom.
When and how did the summer fly by?!?!? Wasn't it just yesterday we were wishing everyone at school a happy summer? Well, I guess it was, according to my blog, because that's how long it's been since I've posted. And here it is...the first day of school.
The first day of school. The first day of kindergarten for Lil T. His first trip on a school bus. All by himself.
How did it go? Fine for him. Not so fine for me. Lil T was very excited. He woke up bright and early. I asked him why he was up so early. "First day of school, mom!" At least he's more enthusiastic than I was. Me? I barely slept a wink. All I kept thinking was... Will he be okay? Will he know where to go after he gets off the bus? Will he make friends? Is he going to be scared? What if it rains? Do I put rainboots on him? Will he know which bus to get on when school lets out? Will....
Yea, that was how I spent my night. And the answer to all those questions? I have no clue! I just prayed that it will all work out.
So all morning, Lil T asked, "Is the bus coming yet? I don't want to miss my bus." Geez kid, curb your enthusiasm. My heart is beating a mile a minute. And then it was finally time to go wait for the bus. The bus was a bit late. But it finally came. And I can feel his enthusiasm waiver a bit and a little bit of anxiety build up. He grabbed my hand and we headed towards the bus. All I kept thinking was, "whatever you do, DON'T CRY!" Me, not him. Bawl all you want when he drives away, but *sniff* not *sniff* now. Then he said, "can I please have a hug?" And the flood gates opened. Great job, mom. I watched my little man go up those massive bus stairs, all the while trying to wipe the tears before they fall. The bus driver, bless her heart, says, "you can come up, Mom, and help him get seated." So I walked up with him, apologizing to her for my tears and still trying to wipe them away. "It's okay, happens all the time", she says encouragingly. Thanks Ms. J. Thanks for your words of comfort and not making me feel like the idiotic, crybaby mom that I am. Too late, I think the bus full of kids just witnessed what an idiotic, crybaby mom I am. Great! I wiped my final tear as I walked off the bus, turned to blow my baby a kiss, and waved as the bus drove away. Then I proceeded to bawl all the way home.
And what did I do when I got home? What any sane mom that just saw her only baby get driven away on the bus would do, of course. I jumped in my car and high tailed it to the school. I would've followed the bus, but I didn't want to be TOO obvious. I figure I'll just head to the school and hide in the sidelines and make sure he gets off the bus and into the school okay. Well, wouldn't you know that alot of the other moms were there also. Everyone had their camera and video cameras, trying to capture the precious moment of their child getting off the bus. Crap, I forgot my camera. At least that made me feel a little better, I wasn't the only mom there. Now at least I didn't have to hide. Lil T's bus finally pulls up and off the bus he came. Safe and sound. Not a bit scared. There was an aide right there to help the kids off the bus and escort them into the school. Phew! Lil T saw me and was all smiles. My little man did it! He rode the bus all by himself. "Have a great day!", I screamed as he walked by. And yes you guessed it...flood gates opened again! Darn it!
The first day of school. The first day of kindergarten for Lil T. His first trip on a school bus. All by himself.
How did it go? Fine for him. Not so fine for me. Lil T was very excited. He woke up bright and early. I asked him why he was up so early. "First day of school, mom!" At least he's more enthusiastic than I was. Me? I barely slept a wink. All I kept thinking was... Will he be okay? Will he know where to go after he gets off the bus? Will he make friends? Is he going to be scared? What if it rains? Do I put rainboots on him? Will he know which bus to get on when school lets out? Will....
Yea, that was how I spent my night. And the answer to all those questions? I have no clue! I just prayed that it will all work out.
So all morning, Lil T asked, "Is the bus coming yet? I don't want to miss my bus." Geez kid, curb your enthusiasm. My heart is beating a mile a minute. And then it was finally time to go wait for the bus. The bus was a bit late. But it finally came. And I can feel his enthusiasm waiver a bit and a little bit of anxiety build up. He grabbed my hand and we headed towards the bus. All I kept thinking was, "whatever you do, DON'T CRY!" Me, not him. Bawl all you want when he drives away, but *sniff* not *sniff* now. Then he said, "can I please have a hug?" And the flood gates opened. Great job, mom. I watched my little man go up those massive bus stairs, all the while trying to wipe the tears before they fall. The bus driver, bless her heart, says, "you can come up, Mom, and help him get seated." So I walked up with him, apologizing to her for my tears and still trying to wipe them away. "It's okay, happens all the time", she says encouragingly. Thanks Ms. J. Thanks for your words of comfort and not making me feel like the idiotic, crybaby mom that I am. Too late, I think the bus full of kids just witnessed what an idiotic, crybaby mom I am. Great! I wiped my final tear as I walked off the bus, turned to blow my baby a kiss, and waved as the bus drove away. Then I proceeded to bawl all the way home.
And what did I do when I got home? What any sane mom that just saw her only baby get driven away on the bus would do, of course. I jumped in my car and high tailed it to the school. I would've followed the bus, but I didn't want to be TOO obvious. I figure I'll just head to the school and hide in the sidelines and make sure he gets off the bus and into the school okay. Well, wouldn't you know that alot of the other moms were there also. Everyone had their camera and video cameras, trying to capture the precious moment of their child getting off the bus. Crap, I forgot my camera. At least that made me feel a little better, I wasn't the only mom there. Now at least I didn't have to hide. Lil T's bus finally pulls up and off the bus he came. Safe and sound. Not a bit scared. There was an aide right there to help the kids off the bus and escort them into the school. Phew! Lil T saw me and was all smiles. My little man did it! He rode the bus all by himself. "Have a great day!", I screamed as he walked by. And yes you guessed it...flood gates opened again! Darn it!
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