It's a lonely road

I am going through addiction withdrawal.  The "my only child is now in all-day kindergarten and I miss him so much" addiction withdrawal.  It is Day 3 of kindergarten.  Lil T LOVES it!  He loves the bus ride.  He loves the teachers.  He loves playing with his friends.  Me?  Ugh.  I miss him.  The day seems so long.  The day seems so quiet.  I have time to do anything I want.  So what the heck is wrong with me?!?!?  I miss him.

I adjusted to life in the suburbs pretty easily when I first moved from New York to Connecticut, about 7 years ago.  Even with no friends and no family around, it was okay.  I never really noticed a void.  I had a job.  Then I became a mom.  There was always someone, something to keep me busy.  Now.  There's a void.  After spending a weekend in NY with family and coming back this week to Lil T going to school all day, every day...I'm noticing a void.  Sure, I keep myself busy for most of the day, running errands, catching up on housework, enjoying a quiet cup of coffee, or sometimes doing nothing.  But that's when I realize...it gets a bit lonely.  I was at Tar-jay the other day doing some retail therapy when I noticed all around me were moms shopping with their toddlers or preschoolers in toll.  And I thought...that was me.  Oh how I miss that.  I know, you think I'm crazy.  I thought I was crazy too.  All the times I've had to shop with Lil T I've thought, it would be so nice to just shop by myself.  And it is.  For the majority of the time.  But that day, I missed my little man and the quirky conversations we always have and get this, when I heard another mom scream at her toddler, "stay in the cart and stop touching everything"...it brought back memories.  I'm an idiot, I know.

I'm sure this feeling won't last forever.  Like I said, it's addiction withdrawal.  A five year addiction of having Lil T with me every single day.  It would've been nice to have another child to take care of.  That, of course, was my plan.  But unfortunately, things don't always work out as you plan.  I guess having another child was never written in the stars for me.   But that's another story.  A story that hopefully one day, I will have the strength to tell.

But for now, I will rely on my bonbons to get me through the day.  Eventually I will have to get myself back into the workforce.  I'm sure by next week, I'll be back in the full swing of things.  But until then...I will enjoy my free time.  Because one day in the near future, I will regret ever having complained about having too much time on my hands.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to get ready to get my Beanie off the bus.  Fun time has begun!