Childhood is one big learning process. And so is parenthood. As a child grows, he/she encounters certain situations that "teach" them about the way of life. Some positive. And unfortunately, some negative. For the parent, this also becomes a learning experience. How do I handle these situations? How do I effectively guide my child down the right path (if there is one)?
Well, last night we encountered our first such "situation". I was in the middle of making dinner. Actually, rushing to make dinner because it was getting late. Lil T was in the kitchen with me and we were talking about what he did that day in school. Like I've said before, Lil T loves school. He's always very happy when he mentions school. And last night was no different. He talked about lunch, about going to the library, how funny Mrs. F was. It was all smiles, until he started talking about recess and playing football. Apparently, football is the new game that the boys play. As he started telling me about the game, his voice starts to quiver. I shift my attention from my half-sauteed brussel sprouts to look at him, and he's getting teary eyed. The more he talks about it, the more tears he's got. In a flash of about 45 seconds, the boy has gone from teary eyed to full out Niagara Falls. Mind you, I'm still trying to talk to him and keep an eye on my brussels.
It started off with how the other boys run with the football (close to their body, like real football players do) and he couldn't get the football. Then it was how he tried to "tackle" them to grab the football. Aiyah, tackle? My little 40 inch pint-size trying to tackle?!? Then it was no one ever throws the ball to him. "Well sweetie, that's how the game is played. They don't give the ball to you. You have to try to get it." Big mistake. "But they give the ball to everyone else. Everyone except me!" More tears. Then it expanded to "it's because I'm so small." Great, body image comes into play. Now that I think about it, he's kinda mentioned it before. But before, it was basketball and how the other kids weren't passing the ball to him. But he never got upset like this.
So in the midst of all this, my brussel sprouts are starting to get crisp. Meanwhile, Papa in Suburbia is in the other room fooling around with the piano. He apparently sees us. I'm sure he can hear us. No help from him. So before my brussel sprouts start to burn, I ask him to talk to his son because he's apparently very upset about this game of football. Big mistake. Big friggin' mistake. Instead of listening to him and empathising and trying to explain the situation, Papa in Suburbia starts to (what seemed to me) taunt him. Apparently, Lil T must have felt the same way because he got even more upset. "Well, what are you going to do about it?" "Are you going to keep crying because they won't give you the ball?" "What do you want me to do about it?" REALLY??? WTF? No freakin way did he just say all that. Yeah, he did. Note to self: if you ever feel like jumping off a bridge, don't ever ask him for advice.
Okay, time for Mom to step in again. Burnt brussel sprouts or not. So I tried to explain the situation to him. How that's the object of the game. It's not because you're small. Did you try asking the other boys to pass the ball to you? Maybe it's because they don't know you want the ball. If it upsets you, maybe play with some other kids. "But all the boys play football. I don't want to be the only one playing with the girls." Okay. Back and forth it went. In the end, I just said he should talk to the teacher about it if it's really upsetting him. Sorry, teachers. Maybe she can arrange it so that the little kids have their own game and the bigger kids have another game. This seemed to calm him down a bit.
I don't know about you, but stuff like this just breaks my heart. To see him so happy about something and at the same time get so upset over such minute things. Well, to me it seems small. But to him, it's probably the world. I mean, c'mon, it's recess. There's no bigger thing than recess when you're a five year old. And Lil T is so passive. No comparison to the other kids, who are the aggressive go-getters. And size? Yes, he is on the small side. The other kids weren't being mean. It's the nature of life. Unfortunately, Lil T will be facing alot of these situations. As a parent, I wish I could be there everytime to help ease the pain. But I can't. I just have to comfort, empathize and explain the situation. And hopefully help him along the journey. As for Papa in Suburbia, well, I think there's a big learning curve awaiting him too. As a parent, you have to learn to be sensitive in such situations. You have to talk in a way that kids will understand. You can't talk to a child like you would an adult. But it's not his fault, he's never been around kids. No sibliings, therefore no nieces or nephews.
Dinner did eventually make it to the table. Brussel sprouts were tasty. And by the time the dinner conversation started, Lil T was back to his old self again. All smiles. No cares or worries. Thank goodness.
Yup, it's going to be a big learning experience for all of us. There may be some tears along the way, some harsh words thrown here and there, but we will get through it together.
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